Summer is over.

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I love Fall.
I love watching the leaves change from green to strawberry pink to flaming red to sunset orange. I love the tastes of pumpkin pie and spicy hot tea, and the crisp, aromatic smells of a world about to fall asleep. I used to wish my birthday was in September or October.
Its my favorite time of year.

But this year, I’m not ready for it. The first day of Autumn is next Monday, but I still feel like it should be next month.

It’s strange, because usually I’m giddy with excitement the first time I wear a flannel or turn the heat on in my car, or break out my rain boots. But I’m not giddy with excitement this year. I’m not even really excited.
I think its because of the change.

I. don’t. like. change.

Adventures, yes! Spontaneity, sometimes, but change, dear God, no!!
My struggles with it come and go, but lately you could say they’ve been coming more than going. I’ve been having a hard time with the things that are outside of my control. I’m having a hard time trusting the Lord. I’m having a hard time not worrying. And the changing of the seasons is just another reminder that whether I like it or not, the things around me are going to change too, and I can’t do a single thing about it.

I had a really great Summer with a really great routine. I went running in the mornings and drank my coffee on the porch. I rode my bike to work. I read at night. I journaled. On the weekends I went hiking or kayaking. I took a couple trips. I had time for cooking and gardening and seeing old friends. It was lovely.

And even though I’m anticipating the beauty and comfort of Autumn, I’m not ready to let go of Summer. And even more so, as I anticipate the future, and look ahead to where God is taking me, I’m excited, but also scared to leave behind the experiences and situations that have shaped me into who I am today.

As I write this I’m reminded of a Mary Engelbreit calendar my Mom used to get every year. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the illustrator, but I always loved her designs. Bright. Cheerful. Whimsical. My mom sometimes kept pages of Mary Engelbreit’s calendars long after the months were over and framed them or put them in scrapbooks or hung them up around our house. There was one in particular we had on our fridge for a long, long time. It was a picture of a peaceful woman sitting on a rocker in the evening light, with the words “Don’t cry because its over, smile because it happened” typed in bold letters at the top.

Yeah, cheesy I know. But its true.

I need to be grateful for the memories of this Summer and greet the coming season with expectancy and open arms. And yet I still feel an unreadiness in my soul.

It’s kind of like when you’re a kid and you’re playing with your toys in your room and you’re happy and content and having the time of your life and then your mom comes in and says, “Honey you need to pick up and get your shoes on. We need to leave the house in 5 minutes.”

If you were anything like me as a kid, you rationalized in the back of your head that it’d probably take mom more like 15 minutes to get all ready and find her purse and start the car and it only takes you approximately 1.5 minutes to slip on your light up sneakers and strap the velcro straps so you’re just going to keep playing for about 13.5 more minutes and not worry about picking up.

But then mom comes back in 5 minutes, just like she said she would, and sees that you’re still playing and you don’t have your shoes on. She warned you that it was time to leave, and it was your fault for not believing her. So she takes the toy away.

“Hey! I wasn’t done with that!” You yell.

I wasn’t done with that.

Thats kind of how I feel right now.

Death. Separation. Loss. Unexpected interruptions to our routines. Endings that come too fast. We all know how it feels. And we think we know better than God. We think we have a right to hold a fist up to heaven and look him in the eyes and yell,

“Hey! I wasn’t done with that!”
“I wasn’t ready to stop playing!”
“I don’t want to leave!”
“Don’t take that away!”

And He’s standing at the door, just like He said he’d be, with everything we need for life and godliness, everything we need to leave the comfort of our room, just waiting for us to join him.

He didn’t tell us where we’d be going. It could be dark. It might be raining outside. And we don’t always like trips with God. Sometimes they’re uncomfortable. Sometimes we’d rather just stay in our bedroom where it’s safe and warm, and we have our toys.

But He said it was time to go.

So it’s time to go.

I don’t know if this makes sense. Maybe you’re someone who has a hard time with change. Maybe you’re not. (If so, we need to talk and you need to tell me how you do that haha)

Let me just say this, when God says pick up your toys and get ready, pick up your toys and get ready. Surrender your control. And another thing, instead of assuming that he’s taking you somewhere dark or cold or difficult, maybe just trust him. Cast aside your worry.

Yes, his adventures can be uncomfortable. Yes, they can be difficult.
But his adventures are the only ones worth going on.
And I’d rather be with him, in the lowest valley or the depths of the sea, then playing in my room, with my toys, all alone.

Change is hard. Even good change. Even the change of the seasons. And the unknown is scary. But God is in control.

“The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?” -Psalm 27:1

I’m not exactly sure what’s ahead. I feel the air growing colder outside, and in my soul. Summer is over. And things will only keep changing.

But one thing is for certain.

When my Daddy comes for me, I’m going to pick up my toys
and run straight to his arms.