I remember the day that I found out that sun is still there,
even when you can’t see it. I was probably around 4 or 5
and the reality boggled my little mind.
“Even when it’s raining?” I asked my Mom.
“Even when its night time?”
“Yes.” was her reply.
“WOOOOWW….”
The next time it was cloudy, I looked up at the sky with a smile in my eyes, “I know you’re still there.” I told the sun,
as if it was our little secret.
“You never leave. No matter how dark it gets.”
What four year old me didn’t realize was although this physical reality was totally stinking amazing, it was dim in comparison to the spiritual truth that it mirrored. Because the son of man is like the sun in the sky. He’s always there. Even when we can’t see him.
I know. It’s a simple truth. Just like knowing the great star that gives us light doesn’t leave the solar system when its dark outside or take a vacation when it’s raining. But it’s that simple truth we need when life gets hard, and twisted and confusing.
When things like depression and disease and disabilities and sickness attack our bodies and minds. When loved ones are taken. When loved ones leave. When we pray and we pray and we pray and we pray and it feels (though we’d never say it out loud) that our prayers are landing on deaf ears. Or sometimes even worse, when we watch as others receive the things we’ve been praying for. When we wonder why God would bless them and not us. When we feel forgotten.
I’ve felt that way a bit recently.
“I’m trying to obey you, Lord.
Why does it feel like you’re punishing me?”
“I treated this person the way you said to.
Why did they react so harshly?”
“You said to knock and the door will be opened.
Why aren’t you opening?”
As I read through Job the other morning, I felt the Lords reply.
“I won’t always give you an answer, Emily.
But I will always give you my grace.”
It was grace that God blessed Job in the beginning of his life. It was grace that Job knew God. It was grace that Job was favored in Gods sight and trusted to bear such hardship. It was grace that sustained Job. It was grace that answered Job. And it was grace that restored Job, after he had come out of the flames of trial and testing.
Job felt as though God was hiding his face from him (13:24). But God was there. And after God answered Job, “out of the whirlwind.” (38:1) Job has an interesting response.
He doesn’t get dramatic and cry and thank God for finally making himself known. He says, “I know now that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted. …Therefore I have uttered things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me.” (42:1-3)
Ok…you’re probably thinking. I don’t get it. Neither did I at first. I was like Job. Only seeing the pain he was enduring. The sickness. The loss. And perhaps hardest of all, the silence. God wasn’t answering. God wasn’t healing. But God was there. And his grace was there.
It was just grace undercover.
The interesting thing about the book of Job is that Job never gets specific answers as to why he is being tested so harshly. What brings him peace is not relief or restoration, its the reminder of Gods infinite power, justice, righteousness and mercy. It’s as if the suffering and pain of his situation are like gloomy clouds around him, and the counsel and words of his friends are like a heavy dew. But then God steps in. And he rolls away the clouds. And Job finally sees that the sun in all its glory never left him. The sun was always there behind the clouds. And the beauty and the power of it’s overwhelming light blinds his finite eyes, but he cannot look away.
“I have uttered things I did not understand.
Things too wonderful for me.”
Those words remind me of a story I once read about Corrie Ten Boom in her book, The Hiding Place. She recalls a time when she was riding on a train with her Father to purchase parts for his watch-making business. After over-hearing some conversation about the conception of children that confused her, she asked her Father to explain it. Instead of blushing and making up an excuse in order to not have to answer the awkward question, Corries Father motioned to the large suitcase he had brought along full of weighty watch parts.
“Will you carry it off the train, Corrie?” he said. I stood up and tugged at it. It was crammed with the watches and spare parts he had purchased that morning. “It’s too heavy,” I said. “Yes,” he said. “And it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load. It’s the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you.”
Some knowledge is too heavy for children. And some knowledge is too heavy for Gods children. Like Job confessed, there are things we’re not ready to understand, things too wonderful for us. And like a wise father, God knows that. As one of my favorite Psalms says, “He know our frame. He remembers we are but dust.” (103:14)
As I’ve been pondering over this truth, I’ve thought upon my own life and my own seemingly un-answered questions and prayers. Perhaps God isn’t answering them for a reason. Perhaps he is staying silent, not to punish me, but to protect me. Perhaps he is withholding things I cannot understand, not because he doesn’t love me, but because he does. Like Corries Father, perhaps he’s carrying burdens that I’m not strong enough to bear yet. Perhaps I never will be.
To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven. Job had a time of understanding. But even when he was surrounded by his clouds of doubt and confusion, the sun was still there.
God is there in times of want and times of plenty.
In the thunder and the silence.
In joy and in suffering.
And although we can’t always see it, and we most certainly don’t always feel it, his grace is always operating for our good and his glory.
In Acts 1:6, the disciples ask a heavy question, one that was on everyones minds during their time. “Lord, will you now restore the kingdom to Israel?” His answer? “It is not for you to know the times or seasons that the Father has fixed by his own authority.”
The nation of Israel had waited hundreds of years for their Messiah. And they had expected him to restore their kingdom. And what does he say? It’s not for you to know.
Hold on though. There’s more.
“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes to you.”
The same words he spoke to his disciples apply to us.
“You’re not going to know the times and the seasons that I have appointed. You don’t need to know. But I will be with you. Though I have ascended, and you can’t see me, I’m still there. I’ll never leave you.”
It’s been a long time since I was the little girl with pig-tails, smiling up at the overcast sky and talking to the sun. The clouds in my life are much heavier now. And they seem to appear more often than the sun. But despite what I can see, the light is always there, warming me, sustaining me and causing me to grow. Even when all I see is darkness. Even when all I see are clouds.
Maybe you’re like me. Maybe you don’t have all the answers you crave. Maybe you’re tired of seeing the fog.
Lets learn from Job and the disciples. Perhaps God is shielding the light cause our eyes aren’t ready for it. Perhaps he’s carrying the load cause we’re not strong enough yet. It’s not for us to know. But we can be fully assured that he is good. He has given us his spirit and we are never alone.
No matter how dark it gets, may the truth that he never leaves, astound and comfort you. May you look beyond the clouds and whisper to your God, “I know you’re still there.” with a smile in your eyes.
Because no matter how heavy the clouds, and no matter how dark the sky, the sun is always there. And in the same way, Gods grace is always there. Sometimes it’s just grace undercover.
