Friendship dipped in honey.

Love. Romance. Chemistry. Relationships. Our world is enamored with it. Every movie you watch, from Marvel’s avengers to old fashioned westerns to historical dramas, to those 80 billion terrible-highschool-football- player-to NFL- champion-tear-jerker films out there, have at least a thread of a love story incorporated somewhere within them. 90% of the songs on the radio could be classified as love songs in some way or another. Not only middle schoolers, but kids playing on the monkey bars at elementary schools whisper back and forth about who has a crush on who.

People aren’t satisfied without it, but sadly, they’re usually not satisfied with it either.

Because our world is not enraptured with true love.

It’s dripping with lust, and fairy-tale ideals and castles in the clouds and whatever passion suits their fancy amid their ever changing mood. We all have an insatiable desire to belong and be loved. But so often we expect to find it in the wrong places. And we come out empty.

I have been in a serious relationship for over 3 years and I have never written a blog post, or gave a devotion about being in one. Honestly I’ve been afraid, because our world has got it so wrong in the area of relationships. And I so desperately just want to get it right.

As I sit down to write this post, I feel like Kristoff in Disney’s frozen when he’s talking to Anna as they’re in a sleigh gliding through the norwegian alps. After Anna describes how logical it is for her to be marrying a man she just met, Kristoff shrugs his shoulders and say’s disbelievingly, “Doesn’t sound like true love.”

To which Anna mocks back,
“Are you some sort of love expert?”
“No” Kristoff replies, his cheeks growing red,
“But I have friends who are.”

I have been hesitant to write about relationships, because I don’t want to come across like a “love expert”. Every persons situation is so different and so unique, I don’t think there’s a formula or a 12 step plan that everyone can follow that will guarantee them success.

On our very first date, my boyfriend actually asked me not to read any books on relationships as he’d seen that they’d done more harm then good for others in the past.

In the same way, I don’t want this post to do more harm than good. But as the Lord has been so graciously teaching me in the wonderful, but very hard school of relationships, I want to share what I’m learning so that maybe I can help others. I promise I’m not out here claiming to be a love expert. And just like 3 years ago me and my boyfriend ditched the books on relationships and decided that God’s word alone would be our guide, if you take away anything today, may it just be the truth of the bible.

So….here goes.

Love is beautiful. It’s fireworks and butterflies and bubblegum and sunshine. It feels like Christmas morning and Fourth of July happening all at once and honestly, it’s even better than the movies. But love is also rocky, like a big dark cave. You’ve never been there before and you don’t know which way to turn. The light is dim and just because one couple walked out a certain way, doesn’t mean you’ll be able to. It’s difficult and it’s confusing and sometimes I understand why the world just gives up instead of girds themselves with commitment and continues to move forward. Love is scary. And it’s hard.

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A couple weeks ago, my relationship with my boyfriend felt more like the big dark cave, then the bright warm air of summertime. I felt lost.

So I turned to my first love. I turned to God.

“I don’t know what to do, Lord.” I told him, “Your word talks about marriage. It talks about being betrothed. But it doesn’t talk about dating. I’m not a wife, yet. I’m just a girlfriend.”

I think I said that like last sentence about three times, in frustration. “I’m just a girlfriend. I’m just a girlfriend. I’m just a girlfriend.”

And then it hit me.

Girlfriend. Girl. Friend.

FRIEND.

Gods word doesn’t talk abut dating, but it definitely talks about friendship. In a flurry, I opened my bible and began looking up verses. Here’s what I found.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” -Ecclesiasties 4:9-12

“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” -Proverbs 18:24

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” -Proverbs 17:17

“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers over a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of Gods varied grace.” -1 Peter 4:8-10

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” -Proverbs 27:17

“Oil and perfume make a heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.” -Proverbs 27:9

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” -1 Thessalonians 5:11

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” -Proverbs 27:6

“Greater love hath no man than this, that He lay down his life for his friends.” -John 15:13

Now, like most aspects of relationships, our culture has belittled the importance and beauty of fostering friendship in the midst of dating. In fact, they have a term for it. It’s called being “friend zoned.”

But as I opened God’s word, and read about what it means to truly be a friend, I was filled with a quiet peace, and overwhelming sense of purpose. I realized that all the butterflies and fireworks in the world can’t compare to someone who sticks closer than a brother (Prov 18:24), loves at all times (Prov 17:17), serves with the gifts God has given them (1 Peter 4:9) and picks their friend up when they fall (Ecclesiasties 4:9). Lust and passion, which seems like a blazing fire, is but a dwindling spark compared to the constant flame of one whose earnest counsel is like sweet perfume (Prov 27:9), one who speaks the truth instead of flatters, even when it hurts, (Prov 27:6), one who encourages and builds another up (1 Thessalonians 5:11), and one who doesn’t let their friend become overpowered by the enemy. (Ecclesiasties 4:10)

I had been praying about how to approach my relationship in wisdom and purity and pursue God’s best for both of us when the scriptures of marriage don’t apply to me yet, and God answered.

My role as a girlfriend, is to be a friend.

But friendship is in no way a low calling. Although the world loves to bluff and belittle the ones who stay the steady course and foster their friendship, instead of their lust, the word of God says, that truly

there is no greater love, than a true friend- one who’ll lay down their life for another.

Now of course a dating relationship will be different than the other friendships in your life. No one but my boyfriend makes me weak at the knees and fills my stomach with weird flutterings and flurries even though I’ve been his girl for over three years. I don’t think of my other friends when I hear love songs on the radio and I do hope, one day, to be more than just a girlfriend.

But for now, that is my role. And I am more than content with it.

I couldn’t wish for anything more than a friend like the bible describes and I hope and I pray that I can be that friend back to not only my boyfriend, but to my Mom and my Dad and my sisters and my brother, and the others I hold so dear in my life.

Now, if you think I’m way off my rocker or I just “friend-zoned” my boyfriend, or have no clue about relationships, I won’t fight you. Like I said, I’m no love expert. But I think as our world has over romanticized dating, we have also undermined the value of true friendship.

Boyfriend and girlfriend. Courtship. Dating. Those are all paths in the big cave of relationships. But I think the light at the end of the tunnel that connects them all, is a beautiful thing called friendship. Friendship that is only possible by daily dependence on Jesus Christ.

Without it, love won’t survive. With it, it will thrive.

I once read a quote that said “True love is friendship dipped in honey.”
I couldn’t agree more.

My boyfriend is the kindest, most gentle, most patient person I know and he does make me feel like christmas morning and fourth of july. I won’t deny it. I was the hopeless romantic who wrote poems about him before we were even dating for crying out loud.

But above all that, he’s my truest and dearest friend. He makes me ugly laugh. He points me closer to Jesus. I love hiking with him and cooking with him and watching movies with him and drinking coffee with him and reading the bible with him and driving in the car with him and basically just doing anything with him. His ambition and discipline motivates and inspires me. He has stood by me when no one else has. He understands me, not only because he’s seen my strengths, but he’s seen my weaknesses too. And he hasn’t run away.

He is the friend who sticks closer than a brother. And all I ache for, is to be that back to him.

At my sisters wedding, her and her husband danced their first dance to the song “You’ve got a friend in me” from Disney’s toy story. My brother-in-law actually recorded it himself, and I think it enraptured the simple sweetness and yet equal depth and devotion of their love for one another.

A love that I want. Friendship dipped in honey.

“You’ve got a friend in me, you’ve got a friend in me. If you’ve got troubles, I’ve got ’em too-There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you. We stick together and can see it through, ‘Cause you’ve got a friend in me. Yeah, you’ve got a friend in me. Some other folks might be a little bit smarter than I am, bigger and stronger too, maybe- but none of them will ever love you the way I do, it’s me and you, boy. And as the years go by, our friendship will never die- You’re gonna see it’s our destiny, You’ve got a friend in me. You’ve got a friend in me.”