If it wasn’t for COVID-19, today would have been my college graduation.
Today I was going to curl my hair, drape some yellow cords around my neck and strap on the suede red heels I wore in my friend Mikaylea’s wedding which would have matched perfectly with my cap and gown. The president of North Idaho College was going to call out my name for my friends and family to applaud to, I was going to cross a stage and shake his hand and feel a great sense of relief and accomplishment. The commencement speaker was going to give a speech, probably about living out your dreams and doing great things. Then me and my family would have walked around campus giving other graduates high-fives, my Grandma would have taken way too many pictures and later that evening I would have written a long entry into my journal about how happy I was that Summer was here, and school was over, and life was moving on.
But today, instead of gearing up for graduation, I’m just gearing up for another day. Another day of work, and routine, and being grateful for God’s constant grace.
When I first found out my graduation had been canceled, I cried. Going to school full time and working full time has been challenging, and I was looking forward to celebrating the crossing of that finish line. But although these past few months have unfolded much differently than I first imagined, they have still been good.
And I am still grateful.
Today, as I think about the graduation day that would have been, I’m not sad anymore. Because although today is not the day I expected it would be, it’s still here. God still, undeserving as I am, gave me the gift of today. He woke me up today. He allowed my eyes to see his sun rise. He allowed the limbs he made to get out of bed, brew a cup of coffee, and type words that through the amazing invention of the internet, you are reading, from wherever you are on this beautiful world right now.
And I won’t deny that the world feels a little darker than it used to. I won’t deny that I don’t know what’s ahead, for me personally, or for the world at large. To be honest, the news and the headlines trouble my soul and there are days that I’d rather just not know what’s going on. That might sound stupid or weak, but I know myself and I know how quickly I can fall into the trap of fear and over-analyzing and questioning all my decisions based on the unknown future.
But today I’m not afraid. And today I am not sad.
Because today, I’m here. By God’s grace, I’m here.
And I don’t want to waste the time I have, however long that is, being disgruntled and disheartened with the days my Father has planned and purposed for me.
“Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?” (Job 2:10)
If I have learned anything these last few weeks it’s that life isn’t about degree- cap and gown- high-five- and commencement speech moments, as exciting and fulfilling as those moments are. Life, abundant life, is found in daily union with Jesus wherever he calls you, in whatever you do. Whether that’s feeding orphans in Africa or being in quarantine, working from home.
No matter what the future holds and whatever I gain, or lose, if I have Jesus, I have everything I need. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus, my Lord.
As I’ve been meditating on that truth, these past very ordinary, but very blessed days, my heart sings out with the psalmist-
“Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a beautiful inheritance. I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to Sheol, nor will you let your holy one see decay. You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, at your right hand are pleasures forever more.”
-Psalm 16:5-11
Even in quarantine, even during bleak and difficult days, my God makes known to me the path of life. He is my portion and my cup, he counsels me and keeps me steady, through the long hours of the day and the dark and lonely hours of the night. Because of him, my future is secure. Because of him I have hope everlasting.
And more than anything, I pray you experience that hope as well. However ordinary, or extraordinary the rest of this week, or month, or year is, may you see it as Gods goodness- each sunrise a reminder of his faithfulness, each sunset a sign of his control, each hour another chance to know the strength of his love, each relationship an opportunity to show it, each struggle and hardship and trial and challenge, the tools of the Father pruning you to grow, each day a gift, each second his grace, each moment a miracle.
