{these memories}

the scent of frasier fir, tickling my nostrils/
driving around town to look at the lights in my pink booster seat/
a trembling wire haired dachshund under my hand me down red coat
licking my chin as I keep him warm after he’d fallen
in an creek while Christmas tree hunting/
the nutcracker mug in the cupboard that I’d have to climb on top of
my mothers navy blue countertops in order to reach /
counting down the days ’til Christmas with my brother/
getting out the boxes of decorations after thanksgiving
and opening them up like I was discovering hidden treasure/
daddy being home during the week on Christmas day
and snuggling with him under moms blue quilt with the little pink flowers/
reading grandma’s vintage copy of Rudolph the red nosed reindeer/
the drying film of hot cocoa on my upper lip
and licking it off once I’d reached the bottom of my drink/
playing the song “Christmas is coming” over and over
from the Muppets Christmas album and annoying my brother/
waiting impatiently as mom puts my hair in pink foam rollers
to sleep in through the night so I’d wake up to bouncy curls/
feeling festive in my red corduroy pants and black Christmas sweater
that had little pearl snowflakes and ice skaters on it/
the next year wearing matching Christmas dresses with my new baby sister/
singing carols on the drive home from my uncle’s house in the backseat,
little me too small to see anything but branches full of snow/
kneeling on mommy and daddy’s bed surrounded by paper and string,
giving mom my finger to press down on the ribbon
so she could tie a bow tight around the package she was wrapping/
nodding off on the couch as I stare at the soft yellow glow
of the lights on the tree,
hoping mom doesn’t notice so I don’t have to go to bed/
unwrapping Kirsten, my first american girl doll, and not letting
her go for the rest of Christmas day/
sitting for hours at our dinner table listening to Russ Taff and
making hundreds of green and pink mints, never growing tired/
gram and pop staying the night on Christmas eve
at our little brown house on the mountain/
homemade cinnamon rolls fresh from the oven/
the first Christmas my brother went away to college
and we counted down the days till he came home,
like we had when we were little/
ballet concert with my best friend in candy cane
tutu’s that her mom had helped us make/
the year my little niece was born 5 days before Christmas
and I realized that the best gifts in the world aren’t found under a tree/
snow ball fight with the boy I was falling for and his little siblings and mine-
watching him under the snowflakes and thinking that someday I would marry him
(I was right)

and these memories, so sweet, I wish I could relive them
but having the hope that new ones will be made
mary treasured up her memories and pondered them in her heart
so many years ago on that very first Christmas
and so will I
so will I