{dreaming of heaven}

I remember the night I dreamed of heaven
my body felt as if I’d just arisen from the deepest of slumbers
my limbs were weightless, my eyes alert
I walked into a garden
so beautiful I could weep
the light cascaded all around me like diamonds
this light didn’t burn
this light didn’t blind
it welcomed me like a pair of arms welcomes you home
above me a waterfall surrounded by rocks
danced to the ground into a pool as clear as day
as bright as Orion
as beautiful as Eden
my feet were bare
as I wandered through a forest of
leafy ferns and spongy moss
so rich and green with life
unspotted and whole and pure
my feet never stumbled or were cut or torn
I was safe here, I was free
before I woke up I felt him behind me
and my heart leapt inside me
as joy became tangible
as peace became realized
tears streamed down my cheeks
at just the sight of the hem of his garment
it was clear that I was home

I remember the morning I woke up after the night I dreamed of heaven
my body felt as if I hadn’t slept a wink
my limbs were aching, my eyes were heavy
I walked into a world
so broken I could weep
the darkness filled the space around me like a presence
this darkness threatened
this darkness terrified
it held onto me like a pair of hands wrapped around your throat
above me a sky like a veil of separation
mocked me sardonically as I gazed into it’s depths
as gray as death
as lonely as the grave
I sheathed myself in clothing to protect my flesh
as I entered a world of
thistles and thorns
so debased and destroyed by sin
poisoned, polluted and fractured
this world made me stumble and left me bruised
I was afraid here, I wasn’t free
I knew He was with me, but I couldn’t feel him
and my heart fell within me
as the despair became tangible
as my anxieties became realized
tears streamed down my cheeks
at just the thought of a day without him
it was clear I wasn’t home yet