“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures for ever. Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story – those he redeemed from the hand of the foe,” -Psalms 107:1-2 NIVUK
Growing up in a beautiful, Christian home, my testimony is more about making my faith my own than salvation. I prayed the traditional prayer at the young age of six, but it took several years of heartbreak (not the falling-in-love kind) and emotional trauma to bring me to the point of full surrender. I took my first few tentative steps when I was sixteen. Just after my twentieth birthday, I experienced a major spiritual breakthrough. The sense of freedom slowly worked its way into my heart and mind, but God still had some lessons for me to learn.
2020, COVID, and all those fun things flipped my world upside down. I worked overtime and then some with my siblings in our band, The Family Sowell, to keep our dream of music afloat and just be there for people who were hurting. That’s when I began to lose myself again. I’m a doer, and if I’m not careful, a workaholic. Sometimes, my brain just won’t get the message that I don’t have to do anything to help God or make Him love or value me more. I just have to be. I just have to love. He covers the rest. Some days, I’d feel really strong spiritually and sense God teaching me lessons of slowing down, letting go of control, and simply resting in the work He’s already done. But other days, the stress would paralyze me or drive me into constant irritation. It was all a huge rollercoaster.
Over the past few years, from 2020 to 2022, I’ve taken quite a few low blows from people I thought I could trust, even from my own brother. Years of emotional trauma and feelings I’d tried to stuff under the guise of serving God in order to forget my own hurts and pain swallowing me alive crashed over me in waves of depression, darkness, and utter numbness. Cyberbullying, crazy busy schedules, the stress of the so-called new normal of Covid, my dad getting the virus and double pneumonia which landed him in the ICU for two months and almost killed him, my mom focusing solely on saving his life, my siblings and I just trying to survive together, keeping up with music during that hard time, my brother leaving us all broken from his treatment of us which went unnoticed for so long because we didn’t know what exactly what going down until he left, friends and family passing away, starting a new school, visiting a new church, making new friends, but feeling so alone, all of that wore me down many times to the absolute breaking point.
You know what I’m talking about. The ugly cry that leaves you gasping for breath and your eyes, nose, and mouth leaking fluid. The silent screams that rip your heart and soul into tiny shreds. The cold numbness creeping across your skin and chills you to the bone. Where all you want to do is escape.
That was me more times that I care to admit sometimes. I put on a smile and stay strong on the outside, but inside… Inside, I was dying a slow, painful death.
Why do I share all this? How on God’s green earth does any of this have to do with thankfulness?
Keep reading, my friend.
God stayed with me every single dark moment. He was the sunshine that warmed my skin. The worship music that spoke in lyrics what I couldn’t put into words. The moments of joy and laughter among trusted people who truly cared about me. The millions of prayers that went up around the globe for my dad and my family. The countless messages of encouragement and quiet hugs of understanding at concerts. He was the shooting stars I catch in the early morning as the world is just waking up. The rush of adrenaline when I’m writing or performing on stage. He’s the sound of a beautiful thunderstorm, the rainbow at the end of it, the smell of damp, fallen leaves. He captures my tears, the broken pieces of my very being, and prayers that are barely even words. He held me so close even when I swore I couldn’t feel Him, see Him, or hear Him.
He. Was. There.
He is here.
He never left me.
I may have strayed from Him, but He chased after me.
God worked a miracle in my dad and healed Him. He’s restoring my family in ways I never even imagined, and I know He is watching over my brother and will bring Him home to Himself one day. He has blessed me with the best of new friends in the Author Conservatory, at church, and a few friends that I’ve allowed even closer. He has been so so good to me. Sometimes, my heart just swells to overflowing with thankfulness instead of grief. I cry tears of thankfulness instead of pain. He has indeed turned my sorrow into dancing.
So how else am I to respond? What could I possibly give Him to match what He has done for me?
It’s not about works though, dear heart. All He ever wanted was my heart and my life, so that is what I will offer Him.
What does that look like though?
It’s different for every person and the season of life they may be in. For me, it’s a time of quiet and simply sitting with my Abba in the morning. It’s blasting worship music in the shower to start my day off with my eyes on Jesus instead of worrying over what I need to do. It’s diving deeper and deeper into His Word, longing for more of Him. It’s spending time in prayer, just talking with God. He cares about every little thing. It’s living my life as Jesus would, watching the example of His life to pattern mine after. That’s what a thank you letter looks like for me. God sees me. He knows me. And now, my greatest desire is to make Him smile.
Have you ever thought of that? When you please God, He smiles. How beautiful is that?
Every act of love done in the name of Jesus, God sees as a thank you for all He has done. I’ll be the first to admit that in the dark trenches of these past few years, it was the furthest thing from easy to live a life of thankfulness. But I noticed that when I did, the burdens lightened. See, when you thank God, you remind yourself Who gave you everything to start. It doesn’t belong to you. It’s simply on loan. You don’t have to hold on so tightly. You can literally give it all back to Him. He’s way more capable to take care of it anyways.
Side Note: My favorite worship artists are We The Kingdom, Brandon Lake, and For King And Country. They’re amazing! Start with Gratitude by Brandon Lake. It fits this post perfectly!
ABOUT NAOMI:
Hey, y’all! My name is Naomi Sowell, and I write stories that light up the dark. We each battle our own darkness, and I try to encourage people along their journeys by being real and authentic, sharing my own pain while pointing to my Jesus, the Light of the world, Who has rescued me out of the darkness.
God has lit a fire in my soul to spread awareness about human trafficking through writing and giving young teens and adults solid Christian fiction that tackles heavy topics without getting preachy. I love watching people, reading their stories, and feeling their struggles. Real people are what inspire stories.
Besides my writing, God has called me to music with my four siblings. We mostly play Gospel and worship music in an acoustic style. It’s literally one of the best things in the world. I love to travel the world, seeing new places and soaking in God’s beautiful creation. I’m also a huge nerd on many things. I’d love to get to know you on social media!
LINKS TO CONNECT WITH NAOMI:
Instagram: https://instagram.com/naomisowellwrites
Naomi’s Books: https://bit.ly/3UsI80U
